Sibling Cutlery

Americans have a wonderful tradition of taking otherwise wholesome, nutritious foods and turning them into sinfully delicious concoctions: apple pie, chicken fried steak, marshmallow topped yams, nacho cheese topped broccoli,  potato chips, deep fried Twinkies… But perhaps the greatest of all of these is that great spiced dessert, carrot cake. It has as much carrot as anything else and yet it’s cake. Sweet, delicious, cream cheese frosting topped cake. And everyone loves cake, unless they’re a Communist or something. People will do anything for cake: sit through a boring meeting, go to a birthday party for someone they hate, battle a deranged sentient supercomputer using only springy shoes and a wormhole blaster thingamajig, or even eat carrots.

So here’s some carrot cake I made. I will apologize in advance that I utterly neglected my duties in taking decent pictures of the finished dish. I understand that this makes me a bad food blogger. But rest assured, it was merely because the cake disappeared too quickly to photograph. Rest even more assured, that this is the most deliciousest carrot cake you are likely to ever eat. And while I’ve seen some prettier carrot cakes, with frosting doodles and whatnot, none of that matters once you get it in your cake-hole. All that matters is moist, cakey, carroty, cream cheesy goodness, and darlin’, this has got it in spades.

Right. Recipe…

Ingredients. Pretty much, if you can bake with it, it goes in the cake. If you’re judging by sheer variety of components, this is clearly one fine cake.

Mix eggs, oil, apple sauce, white and brown sugar, and vanilla.

Slowly add flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg.

Stir in the carrots and pineapple. Squeeze the juice out of the pineapple first, using a strainer. You want to add moisture but not make it soggy.

Add in pecans. You could use walnuts, which are rather more traditional, but pecans are better. Trust me, I’m the one with the blog. And you’re not. Deal with that. Don’t worry, the cake will make all the pain go away.

Pour the batter into a pan and bake at 350° for about 45 minutes.

While the cake is baking, mix together butter, cream cheese, and vanilla, then whip in powdered sugar a bit at a time  until it turns into frosting. This stuff is heavenly. You could probably eat this whole thing by yourself, plain. But I wouldn’t recommend it, you sick glutton. Taking a few fingerfuls just to make sure it’s perfect is, however, totally acceptable and encouraged. By the way, I prefer mine a bit on the denser, more cream-cheesy side, but if you like it sweeter and fluffier, add more sugar, ¼ cup at a time, until you get the consistency and flavor you want.

After the requisite 45 ± 5  minutes, the cake will come out golden brown and delicious smelling. The edges will be a bit crisp and pulling away from the sides. A toothpick inserted in the center will come out clean.

Frost and you’re good to go. Scoop out a piece. Be wild and throw some vanilla ice cream on top, if you’re into that sort of thing. Revel in the absurdly moist cake and creamy frosting goodness. Tell yourself it’s all healthy, because, you know, carrots. If any survives, store in the refrigerator covered with plastic wrap. It will keep for several days.

Carrot Cake (adapted from Allrecipes)

Ingredients (cake)

1. 4 eggs
2. ¾ cup vegetable oil
3. ½ cup applesauce
4. 1 cup white sugar
5. 1 cup dark brown sugar, packed
6. 2 tsp. vanilla extract
7. 2 cups flour
8. 2 tsp. baking soda
9. 2 tsp. baking powder
10. ½ tsp. salt
11. 2 tsp. ground cinnamon
12. ¼ tsp. ground nutmeg
13. 3 cups peeled and grated carrots
14. 1 8 oz. can crushed pineapple, drained very well
15. 1 cup chopped pecans

Ingredients (frosting)

1. ½ cup butter, softened
2. 8 oz. cream cheese, softened
3. 3½ cups confectioners’ (powdered) sugar
4. 1 tsp. vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350° and grease a 13×9 in. pan.

In a large bowl, beat together eggs, oil, applesauce, white and brown sugar, and vanilla. Stir in flour, baking soda, baking powder, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Fold in the carrots, pineapple, and pecans.

Pour batter into pan and bake for about 45 minutes. A toothpick inserted in the center should come out clean. Cool completely (wait 10 minutes before attempting to remove cake from pan, or just leave in the pan to serve).

For the frosting, beat together cream cheese, butter, and vanilla until smooth. Whip in the confectioners’ sugar, half a cup at a time, until smooth and creamy. Additional sugar my be added for a somewhat fluffier, sweeter result. Spread frosting over the smooth cake. Leftover cake may be stored in the refrigerator, covered, for several days.